Too Funny! Yet so True!

I stumbled upon this site (thanks marcia for that website) and laughed out lout when I started to read it. So true!



"It is just for the men though as I know nothing about women. So women, please, just be on your way because this isn’t for you unless you’d like to leave a copy for your husband.
I’m going to share secrets with you that will change your life. But, when I say “secrets”, you’ll say, “that crap isn’t secret at all. My wife tells me that all the time.”
Which brings us to number one:

1 Listen:
That’s right; when she speaks, she usually has something to tell you. You might learn something about the single most important person in your life. Crazy, I know. Ask yourself right now: what’s her favorite color, her shoe size, what does she like least about her body, what household chore does she despise, paper or plastic? You should know this stuff. She tells you all the time. You just aren’t listening.
When she starts talking about tennis bracelets in November, she’s trying to help you with your Christmas shopping, Einstein.
If you actually start listening to her, she will be so dumbfounded that she’ll say “yes” to sex just to see if you’re still listening.

2 Don’t ask don’t tell:
Everybody likes to be surprised and pampered. What if just once in a while, you, without your wife’s consent or assistance, arranged for a babysitter, picked her up at work and took her out to dinner?
Now she’s stunned. Her defenses are down. It’s likely you’re getting laid.

3 If you use it, put it up. If you drop it, pick it up. If you spill it, clean it up:
She’s not your Momma. And, hopefully, your Momma taught you better.
Clean up after yourself for God’s sake.
Trust me; there is little your wife finds less sexy than picking your dirty tidy whiteys up off the bathroom floor. I can say with great confidence that this is almost universally true for all women.
Your wife is now confused. She’ll wander all about the house wondering what you’ve done with all the messes. When she looks in the bedroom; now you’ve got her.

4 Bite your tongue (or, “No, those pants do not make you look fat”):
Nobody likes constant criticism, especially if it’s from the person they’d most like to please (that’s probably you). If you continually browbeat your wife, she feels less sexy and thinks you’re less sexy as well. You wanna look more like George Clooney? Quit your bitching!!
Oh, and the answer to the do these pants make me look fat question: “of course not darlin’. But, still, they’re not my favorite. You really look hot in that red pair.”

5 WWAAD...what would Alan Alda do?:
Think of all the heroes in all the movies you’ve ever seen. Yeah, the movies where the guy wins the girl. Do you think the hero’s gonna sit on his ass watching the WWF while the girl of his dreams has to cook his dinner while sweeping the floor with a screaming baby balanced on her hip? No, he’s not. He’s gonna get up and gently take the broom and mini-you from his girl and tell her, “Honey, it’s probably been a long day for you, go put your feet up and let me finish dinner. Oh, and by the way, here’s the remote.” That’s what Alan Alda would do.
You wife is now so grateful for this selfless and heroic act, that like the proverbial damsel in distress, now rescued, she has no choice but to submit to your sexual advances.
Would it really kill ya’ to do a load of laundry once in a while?

6 Treat her like a thoroughbred; she’ll never be a nag:
This is the same hottie that had you twisted in knots lo those many years ago. She still needs your affirmation. She still needs to feel attractive. She still needs to feel adored. Her hair, her eyes, her smile, her legs, her touch, her mind, her spirit, her perfume, the list of things you can compliment her on is limitless. She does not want to have sex with anyone that doesn’t desire her. She has some pride, after all. If you don’t make her feel desired, there are plenty of other guys out there who will...me for example.
If you tell her everyday how sexy she is she’ll begin to feel sexy, and you know what sexy girls like to do.

7 The most secret weapon of all: No woman can resist this, so use it wisely. I do not give this piece of advice lightly for it is powerful stuff.
Every Monday or Tuesday (it’s good to change up the day once in a while just so she doesn’t get complacent) I take a small amount of time out of my lunch hour and drive over to the nearest grocery store. They have a floral boutique there. I buy a single long stem rose. I take the rose to my wife’s place of employment and present it to her. Oh, and don’t forget the little card that goes with the rose. The card may be even more important than the flower.
The result of this action is two-fold. One; not only is the wife thrilled that you are thinking about her but that you actually made an effort to show your affection.
Secondly, but of no little consequence, after a few weeks of this behavior the other women at your wife’s place of employment will start to become envious of her. That’s right now your wife’s co-workers think she’s made a better choice of life partners than they did. Some of the women where she works might even snub her. Your wife will secretly delight in this. And, suddenly you are a source of pride to her. Suddenly, she must be smart and sexy and desirable to have such an attentive and devoted man. And, every time a woman walks into her office and makes a snide comment about your wife always getting roses, she’s on her way home to rock your world.

Don’t tell anybody I told you. "

"

Woohoo!

I spent all day yesterday pouting over my two pound weight gain. I was upset, depressed, and hungry all at the same time. This morning on my way to the shower I decided to weigh again just encase the scale was acting up. When I leaned over to get on it I noticed that it wasn't set to ZERO but actual to two pounds. Woohoo I didn't actual gain any weight. Best news I've heard all week!

Worst news I've heard this week:

Girl Scout cookies have just arrived and it kills me knowing that if I eat just one thin mint I'm bound to eat them all.

Please like this bitch has ever had a cookie!

2 pounds

I'm on a diet and have been on one for about 9 days. I was down five pounds but when I stepped on the scale this morning I seemed to have gained two pounds over night. This angers me since I feel like I'm starving and haven't changed my eating habits in the last few days to explain the weight gain. I'd love to blame it on my friend that comes to visit each month but she just left and wont be back for a few more weeks to take that blame. I've also been walking everyday on my lunch hour - 2 miles and eating so many fruits and veggies that I wouldn't be surprised if I sprouted a strawberry out of my ass. Yet I still gain weight? I wont give up... I can't... I'm so sick of my physical appearance and over all health that I've got to make some changes. Although I feel better when I eat healthy I'm having a hard time not caving in and eating pizza.

Bernese Mountain Dog

I want one of these dogs. Brian said "No" but I don't always listen to Brian now do I? I have to wait a little while but when the time is right I'm going to get one

The perfect Vacation

There is no such thing as a perfect vacation. No matter how much planning, researching or praying you do there is always something bound to go wrong. Like the time we got to the Hertz rental counter in L.A. only to find out Brian’s drivers license was expired and they wouldn’t rent a car to me because I wasn’t twenty five yet, or the time he lost his debit card at the Space Needle in Seattle and just a few days later we locked the keys in the car outside of our hotel. It’s the unexpected things that happen that make those trips memorable but it’s a positive attitude that gets you through them.

Over the last few years I’ve become somewhat of a personal travel agent for my friends and family. So much so that Expedia has made me an elite plus member. There is no real reason why these people come to me other then the fact that I have plenty of time and experience on my hands to help them out. They want advice on where to go, what to see, how to get the cheapest price on their dream vacation and I’m more then happy to help them. Like most people they are nervous about the unknown and have preconceived ideas on how things should be. I think this is the biggest mistake that people face when booking a vacation. We get so wrapped up on what we see on TV and the fantasy they portray that we forget that real life isn’t like that. Unless of course you’re will to pay five star prices to achieve that fantasy, I personally am not. I’d rather book two or three vacations during the year at a lower end hotel then pay five star prices for one vacation. As for their nerves that’s a normal human response to the unknown. I envy those who are able to jet off into the sunset without a care in the world.

I’ve decided to list a few helpful hints on how to get the best out of your vacation.

1. Start your planning well in advance. Time is very important when it comes to booking a successful vacation. When hotels/airlines have plenty of seats/rooms available they offer them at lower prices. If your one of those lucky few who have money to burn and no set schedule the same is true for booking a last minute vacation. The travel industry is desperate to fill empty slots and you can find great deals by waiting.

2. It’s usually cheaper to fly during the middle of the week then it is on the weekend. I usually find that Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday offer the best deals. Having said that, I have also found some great deals on the weekend so don’t discount checking out those days as well. Most airlines update their prices on Tuesday. If you find a flight but the prices is to expensive check back the next week and see if it’s lowered.

3. Airlines and hotels change their prices constantly. More then once I’ve found a vacation I liked only to have the price increase or decrease within the hour. As hotels/airlines start to fill their rooms/seats they increase their prices accordingly. So make sure you check everyday or every couple of days. You’ll be amazed at the price difference.

4. Research where you’re going. Just because a place looks extraordinary on their website doesn’t mean that it’s going to look the same once you get there. I like to use Tripadvisor.com, Expedia.com, and Google Earth before I ever book a vacation. Trip advisor gives unbiased reviews on hotels, dinning establishments’, parks, and the local atmosphere. It’s a very handy tool when it comes to getting your moneys worth out of a vacation. Google Earth allows you to pin point your location on a map. This is handy because it gives you a reference point on where you’ll be. Are you one of those people who want the solitude or would you rather be in the hustle and bustle of town?

5. Be flexible. I can’t tell you how many people have wanted me to book them a cheap vacation but can only take that vacation during Thanksgiving/Christmas break. Hello! That’s when everyone else wants to take their vacations too. The travel industry knows this and they jack the prices up. You have to be flexible to find the best deals. Sometimes that means taking your children out of school for a week which I personally feel the life experience they’ll receive while on vacation out weights the consequences of missing a week of school. That is of course if you’re doing education things while there.

6. Have more then one destination in mind when researching a vacation. If your dream vacation is Hawaii but it’s out of your price range. Then try somewhere else like Mexico or the Caribbean. Someone somewhere is always having a deal. If you limit yourself to that one location you’re going to miss out on excellent savings opportunities.

7. The internet is your friend. Use it! All those questions you have about what to do, where to stay, and what to bring. Ask Google! Thats what its there for!

Jamie's Wedding Location

I received Jamie's wedding invitation in the mail yesterday. She did them herself and all for the super low price of $38 dollars. They turned out beautiful and I have to give the girl props for saving money and doing them herself. I can't believe how much invites cost only to be thrown away after the event is over. On this invite was the event location and be being the google whore that I am I had to look it up. She is getting married at Northstone Country Club and WOW is it beautiful. I can't wait to get all dressed up and dance the night away.

So Funny

I was laughing so hard I was crying the very first time I watched this clip. The boys had to come in and see what I was doing since neither of them had ever heard me laugh that hard. To this day if I'm ever in a bad mood all I have to do is watch this video and it brings a smile to my face.

In love with this guy

I've been obsessed with this guy for the last few weeks. What a voice!

Tattoo

There isn’t much to do in Humboldt as far as night life goes. If you’re not into the bar scenes then you’re pretty much limited to home. On occasion we might go bowling or out to dinner with friends but besides that there really isn’t anything to do after 7 o’clock. Last week while at Starbucks I came across a flyer for a Tattoo Convention being held at Blue Lake Casino on Valentines Weekend. Pretty freaking romantic if you ask me! Since Brian is covered in tattoos I thought this might be a fun thing to do. We grabbed a quick bite to eat with Carly and Derek and then all four of us headed over. The cover charge was 10 dollars and let me tell you that the entertainment was well worth it. Carly might disagree with me on this since she was sober and the rest of us were pretty intoxicated but I haven’t seen that many weird people in one place since Redwood Run. As a girl, I know we’ve all had that conversation with our best friend about not letting us be that drunken girl dancing by herself. Well somebody dropped the BFF bomb while we were there because there was one lone girl on the dance floor all night getting down with her bad self. Besides checking out the free dancing entertainment we hit up a couple of booths to check out the art work and at this moment I’m tempted to set up an appointment to get permanent eyeliner. Has anyone else had this done? Or know of someone who has? I’d like to hear some opinions before I take that step.

Miss Rosie

Like any good blog stalker I spend hour’s online reading, analyzing, laughing, and crying over peoples lives I barely know. Sometimes they give me knew ideas or fill me in on bits of information I’ve missed over the years. The other day I saw that I had a new follower and with a click of the mouse I saw it was an old friend whom I haven’t seen in years. She isn’t blogging herself but rather following another friend of hers. How she found me I don’t know but curiosity got the best of me and I began reading her friends blog in hopes to catch a glimpse of what my old friend had been up to. Imagine my surprise when I saw her wedding photo. I feel as if it where just yesterday that we were just working side by side complaining about boys and swearing there wasn’t anyone suitable in all of Humboldt County to date. I’m so happy that she has found love. Congrats Rosarita!

In to the wild

I saw a blog post about this book on a friend of mines site. The book looked interesting enough but I am not one of those people who go out a purchase books. I also owe the library way to much money to ever step foot in there again. Anyway the point of this post is to say that I came across this book at my sisters and borrowed it. I'm almost half way through it and I have to say that its a pretty amazing but sad story. To be 24 and so care free with the ability to cut off contact with anyone who you view as poisoning your outlook on life. Yet at the same time somewhat naive about nature and all its dangers. Of course I haven't yet finished the book so maybe my views on Chris/Alex will change by the end of his journey.

Love is in the air

These are what I woke up too on Sunday morning. They were all over the place. In the shower, on the mirror in the bathroom, in the kitchen, on the walls, you name it he pretty much covered it. I think this is probably the first time he hasn't bought me flowers but I think so far this is my favorite gift.

Friday Boredom

Random Facts

I never liked animals until I got one of my own. I would cringe anytime one came around and even threatened to kill my sister’s dog on a couple of occasions. I feel horrible about that now.

I don’t like to be touched. I’m defiantly not one of those touchy feely people. I know both my sisters feel like this as well so maybe we weren’t hugged enough as children. I feel like a mean cold person when I say that but I can’t help the way I feel.

I hate feet... Your feet, my feet, anyone’s feet. They gross me out and god forbid I get touched by someone’s feet because all hell break loose if I do.

I do some of my best thinking while driving, taking a long shower, or taking a walk. I love having the freedom to let my body relax and my mind drift.

I’ve tried smoking. I didn’t like it. I tried it again. I still don’t like it.

Mom & Dad

Out of all the photos I received this one is by far my favorite. Its a picture of my mother and father standing outside of our house in Fieldbrook. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IT! Its so weird to see your parents when they were younger. I wish I could travel back in time and meet them.

For Frankie and Marria

I spent hours going through old photos looking for the perfect ones to upload and send only to find out that our scanner is broken and that I would have to resort to photos that I already had on my computer. After going through most of those I realized I didn't even have a lot of photos from my moms side of the family. This makes me sad since I remember spending so much time together as children.

Hope you enjoy!

Marissa Daugter Sam with her husband and daughter

Edna Mae and Roy Conley - Burnt Ranch California

Dianne with her daugter shannon and her grandkids

Marissa daugters, Caren, Samantha, and Eava

Marissa and Vera Grandchildren playing at the lake

Edna Mae

Diane

Mike and Vera Alves Grandchildren (6+ are missing)

Mike and Vera Alves - Trinity Lake

Vera, Edna Mae, Stacey, and Diane

Marissa and Sam - Zipling in Costa Rica 2009

David Conleys Wife Vicki with their Daugter stacey and the Grandkids

Edna Mae and Roy Conley Dec January 2008

More old photos

The Conley Kids

My Mother, My Great Grandmother and My Grandma

Grandma and Grandpa

My Great Uncle Ottis, My Step Grandfather Lonnie, and My Grandfather Roy



In such a short amount of time I've managed to reconnect with three different people who each hold a key in our family history. Its been an amazing week of reliving the past. I've received photos that I never knew existed, caught up on the lives of my grandfather and grandmothers siblings, and managed to fill in a good portion of my family tree.

A little piece of the past

My grandmother with her half sisters, Mary Lucille, Frankie, and Helen

My great grandmother Edna Frances

My grandmother with two of her children, plus a third child


Their home in Oakdale Louisiana

My grandmother Edna Mae - My mother looks exactly like her

I had plans today to go through my old photos and complete the rest of my post from yesterday. I've got hundreds of shitty photos that will prove to you that I don't have any talent when it comes to photo taking. I've been completely thrown off course by a email I received yesterday.

The email came from a middle aged man living in Arizona. A middle aged man I had never heard of but he knew plenty about my family. His name is Willie Wooley and he is my grandmothers nephew. Now this might sound normal to some of you but for me it came as a complete shock. You see, my grandmother is an only child or at least she claims to be. Good old Willie has disputed this fact with pictures. After many phone calls between my mother, my grandmother and myself we have finally filled some holes in our history. My grandmother has three half sisters that none of her nine children knew about. Her father was once married to a woman who died when they were very young. Those three half sister went to live with other family members and pretty much were never heard from again.

Hearing from Willie yesterday opened up a can of worms that none of us knew ever existed.

taking the perfect picture

I love to take photos and every once in a while I actual manage to take a good one but more often then not I come away with something a six year old could have done. I've been wanting to take a photography class forever but always seem to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. To be able to capture a moment in utter perfection the way so many people do would be a dream come true. So many times I come across peoples blogs that take the most amazing photos and I ask myself if they've had years of practice or are they natural blessed with the ability to see things in a way that I am not? Today I'm going to share my best photos and tomorrow I'm going to share my worst.